Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
