I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
