I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
