i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm like, not good at living.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
