can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
