i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
