If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize