You really coming over, don't trick.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
