What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
