you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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