would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
