GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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