I showed him my bush... on skype.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize