im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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