i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
