i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize