grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
