my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
