walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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