Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize