someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
