We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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