sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
