Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
