i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So here I am, sexting at work.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize