and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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