Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I checked into jail on foursquare
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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