the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
