Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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