watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
