it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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