I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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