Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
