just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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