dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
