I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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