I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
