im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
