I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We need a shit load of segways right now
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
