everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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