remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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