dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
