My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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