Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
