I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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