so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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