honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize