So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
