Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
