I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
