What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
