I hate all girls vehemently.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
