Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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