dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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