Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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