Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
