i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
and i looked up. we had an audience...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
