I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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