Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
