Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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