he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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