Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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