just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
