I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
