Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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