There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
