I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Two words: blizzard sex
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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