im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
