Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You made out with two different species that night
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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