whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
