Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
