we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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