oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
