am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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