i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
