I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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