i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
