Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
