God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
