your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize