i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
