i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
