filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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