You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
