Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
