ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
