Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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