I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
