He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
