69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
