He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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