Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
