His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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