i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
