Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
