a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Still dying that you shit outside
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
