Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
