I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
